Technology Hates Me

So right now I should be doing homework.

No.

Really.

You have no idea how badly I need to be working on the massive projects that are taking over my life.
But I'm not.
And the reason?
My computer network has locked me out. Completely. I start up the computer, hit Ctrl+Alt+Delete, type in my recently-changed-by- the-administration password, wait a few moments and it says, "Your account has been locked out. Please contact your administrator." Except, I did contact my administration, also known as the IS&S department on campus, earlier today. Twice. For a little while today after I called, my accounts were working. I managed to send some really important emails for work and class and get some important emails. But then it died again, and there's no 24 hour help here. If your problem doesn't occur between the hours of 8am and 5pm, you're screwed.

Sorry! No one to help you out now! So, I have a paper analysis to do that I can't access because it is a word document typed up and saved on the part of the computer I'm locked out of. I can't work on any other homework because, since every professor insists that anything to be turned in is supposed to be typed, they're all locked away from me now. The EARLIEST I will have any access to them again will be 8am. IF I'm lucky, IF they check messages at IS&S and IF they call me back.

So, right now, I'm angry, frustrated, and just generally upset because there is no reason I shouldn't have access to the basic things that I need. I mean, I'm not asking for a miracle here, but I feel like I might as well be. To add to the stress, I'm supposed to register for my senior year classes on Monday. I should be excited about this, I'm the first person in my family to go to college, I've worked so hard, and I'm so close to being done. But instead of relishing in the joy that I've only got a year and a half left (student teaching is an extra semester) I'm freaking out because if I'm locked out I can't register. If I can't register then there's a decent chance I won't get one of the classes I need next semester and since I've never had the professor before I can't hope she'll hold a spot just because she knows me. One of my other classes, an advanced creative writing course taught by the novelist Silas House is sure to fill up very quickly, but if I can't get onto my account I can't register for it.

This whole mess is really stressing me out, so I'm sitting here with my sour patch kids thinking angry thoughts at technology for excluding me and wishing there was something I could do about it.

When's Spring?

So life has probably hit a level of stress I have rarely before experienced. I'm not sure why things are getting to me so badly right now, but they are. I'm just exhausted with everything, and I'm not sure how to get back in control of everything.

School makes me feel like I'm drowning right now, and I hate that feeling. Every class has all their final projects coming up, and the amount of work they require is overwhelming, especially on top of the regular coursework that never ceases. Oh, and groupwork, I'm sorry but I need a little tangent over my thoughts on groupwork. In some circumstances, I'm a big fan. But there are times when groups just don't function and one of my classes is having that issue right now. Only some group members care to participate, and since I'm very concerned with my grades, it means I've taken on double the work that I should have had to do in order to get a good grade on the project. Last night I was awake until two in the morning working on it, and back up at 7:30 to do it all again. Frustrating? I think so.

But school isn't the only thing. I now know the true stress of finances. No matter how many ways I tweak my budget and attempt to make it work, something else always pops up that I didn't think about before leaving me hurting for money. I don't know what to do about it, but I know that something needs to change, so I'm racking my brain for ideas.

And then there's my issue with faith and church. Nathan's family is coming down this weekend and on Sunday they thought about coming to our church, except here's the issue, I've kind of stopped going. I'm still trying to figure out where I stand, what I believe, and if the church I was going to is even right for me. With everything else going on I've barely had time to think about it, but I don't really know what to do. I mean, church and church camp were huge parts of my life. I really thought I found myself there and faith helped me through some of the most difficult times of my life. But now I'm just so tired of the judging that the thought of going to church makes me sad rather than uplifts me. It's seriously draining to feel like this, but I don't know what else to do. And there's no one I feel that I can really talk to about it either, I mean I can't imagine going to the church that angered me with their degradation of Muslims and trying to explain why I feel the way I do.

I know this is a dreadfully bleak post, but sadly that's how I'm feeling at the moment. Life has overwhelmed me and I'm not sure how to get back where I want to be.

Birthday's and Growing Up

So the world is looking so good to me right now, it just seems like things are finally falling into place and going right.

1.) I turned 21 on Tuesday and I'm finally starting to really feel like an adult. I'm old enough to legally drink, but instead of going out to party and mess with my hw and classes I instead went to applebees with my best friend, got one strawberry daiquiri to savor, and went home and did hw before I went to bed. It was a fun night, and I loved it, but I didn't do anything to regret, which I love.

2.) Today is my mom's birthday and I'm getting to spend it with her! My parents came down to Kentucky for the weekend which was wonderful! We went out to Logan's Steakhouse for dinner tonight and I had the best steak I've had in ages! It was my parents, Ali, Nathan and I and it was perfect.

3.) Yesterday morning I got accepted to one of the most prestigious Honor Societies on campus, which was really shocking to me in the best of ways =)

4.) I'm getting my first house! Nathan, Ali, Cassie and I are moving into a house this summer in town and I'm so excited about it! It's such a cute little 3 bedroom house with a GIANT backyard and it's all just been redone. We get to decor

ate and everything and I completely cannot wait to move in, hopefully in a month. I'll keep you all updated on that, but I'm so tired of dorm life that this sounds like the most amazing news to me

5.) My writing won an on campus award! Yes, my writing, which is one of the things I'm most passionate about in the world is being recognized. I'm so beyond thrilled about it!

6.) And, as always, I have the love of my life by my side to support me and love me.

It's just, well it's a breath of fresh air to finally have things going right, and I couldn't be more grateful for it.

I hope everyone else's lives are going as well, and that if not they start to fall back into place soon.

Namaste

Kansas City Adventuring!

Today was day two in Kansas City with Ali's family, and so far it's been a ton of fun! I've loved getting to meet her family and spend some time away from all the stress of campus. Today we went on an adventure to the zoo, so I wanted to upload some pictures that I took. We went with her baby sister Chloe, cousins Antonio, Alejandro, and Javier, as well as Nathan. It was just a wonderful day, sunny and beautiful, and the animals we saw were really active.

It was also really fun for me to watch Chloe because, at only 13 months old, she's such a cutie. She particularly liked the birds because of the bright colors and flapping wings, but anything that moved around a lot was worth her attention at least for a little bit.

Spring Break Date Night

So this is just a quick post before I go back to spring cleaning. Spring break started this weekend and I've spent a large portion of my time doing some major cleaning. It's so soothing to me, I love it, which is odd to say, but I feel like with all the schoolwork, and everything else, I never have time to really clean, and stay organized. But I've gotta admit, right now it's looking great, all that's really left to tackle is the bathroom, which shouldn't really take too long.

Last night, though, I took a break from cleaning and packing etc to have date night with my love. Now, let me preface this by saying, I am not a cook. Not even remotely close actually, I am terrible. But, I have to admit I've really gotten a lot better! I decided to make shish taouk (a dish I had in Egypt this summer, it's delicious and really simple) and then rolls, cupcakes, cookies, and sparkling grape juice.

I set it all out picnic style in the dorm and we had a picnic dinner while watching Dinner for Schmucks, which was pretty funny. It was really just a great night, and it was fun to spend some time with Nathan just relaxing and talking. Not to mention he was seriously surprised by how good everything was =)

Well, there's not much else to report on, I'm leaving with Alex and Nathan for Kansas City tomorrow for the remainder of spring break, which should be really exciting, so I should get back to packing and all that jazz.

Some Thoughts on Stereotypes

This morning I finished up a piece about the Muslim stereotypes for school, but since I really liked how it turned out I thought I would post it on here:

We all know the stereotypes, the rumors, and the mistreatment. Apparently, at this time, it’s easier for the country to believe that Muslims are radical terrorists than confront that perhaps these prejudices and beliefs aren’t grounded in the truth that non-Muslims think. I speak on this subject with great passion because I know firsthand what a Muslim culture feels like: I spent three weeks in one while in Egypt. And when I returned home to hear the prejudice and the unfair accusations it began to bother me on a much more personal level.
As I’m sure most people will say when returning from a major trip, this journey changed my life. And this is true in more ways than one: it altered the way I see religions and cultures, and the way I see myself.

One of the most important things I learned was my newfound appreciation for cultures that are different from my own. I grew up in a small town with very little, actually almost no diversity. But from the first moment I arrived in Cairo I was exposed to a whole new world. The majority of the individuals I saw were dressed a fashion completely foreign to me, and I looked nothing like them. For once in my life, I was the one that was standing out from those around me. At first it just felt strange, but then I started to put myself in these strangers shoes.

The women were covered from head to toe, and their general demeanor was more reserved than here in the United States. To fit in and show respect to the culture we were instr

ucted to dress conservatively, which felt strange at first, but I began to appreciate it more and more as the trip went on. When I looked in mirrors or in windows as I walked the streets of Cairo, I noticed my hair, my face, or my smile. I was more confident in myself and liked the reflections that I saw. But that was only how the view of myself changed. I believe a larger scale to measure my growth, is the view of more than that. I learned the basic Muslim beliefs when I was still in grade school, along with Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, and other world religions. Yet I didn’t feel that I had really learned much about the religions because we stuck to

sheer fact. Meeting the individuals that hold the Muslim convictions was a different story entirely, and gave me appreciation for other religions that I had never before possessed. While in the city of Cairo I heard the call to prayer at the designated times of day and could see individuals gather together to pray. This image sticks with me because it allowed me to connect my own religious beliefs with the beliefs of complete strangers. The idea of community in religion resonated with me and allowed me to see the Muslims as other followers of God, instead of just “different from me.” I had never before felt a prejudice against a Muslim, but at the same time I had certainly never embraced the religion of Islam or bothered to learn about it.

I really think that this is the key: simply learning about the religion from accurate sources rather than listening to the hearsay that surrounds it. The Muslim people believe in God, just as the Christians do here. They believe in prayer and community, which is resonated in religions in the United States as well. They believe in non-violence, in love, and in family. So, what’s harder for me to now understand is why people put such hatred on Muslims and Muslim-Americans. While their religious beliefs may differ from our own, that does not, to me, warrant the treatment they receive.

Hugs! ^_^

Have you ever noticed how powerful a simple hug is? I started thinking about it yesterday, and realized that a hug can mean a million different things and all of them powerful.

When I'm feeling really stressed out and it seems that nothing is going right, my friends offer a strong hug to convey that everything is gonna work out all right in the end.

When you hear good news and want to offer congratulations, without even thinking about it, you give them an excited, sometimes even a jumping up and down hug.

Well yesterday, I was just in the mood where I really wanted that physical connection to people. At lunch I told both Alex (my roommate) and Nathan

that all I wanted was a hug. And each hug made me smile, they made me feel that I was connected to someone and that I mattered to someone.

Hugs are one of the things I always loved about going to Camp Judson in the summers, we hugged all the time. Hugs meant good morning, good night, you're important to me, and I care about you. When I would go home after that week it felt as though I had gone into withdrawals because all that physical contact and connection was so diminished.

And when I'm seperated from friends and family the first thing I want to do when I see them again is hug them. I haven't seen my mom in months, but she'll be coming down to celebrate my 21st birthday, and I know that as soon as I see her I'll run to her and hug her and feeling her arms lock around me will make the months that go by matter less because I'll have her for now.

So this is my challenge to myself right now: hug more, and love more, and show my friends more that they mean something to me. Because I know that if hugs mean this much to me and can make a tough day seem bearable and a good day seem better, then that's something I want to share with others.