I'm 23 years old. Actually, about two weeks ago I realized it was almost my birthday and then had to honestly sit and try to remember how old I was turning. It seems like 23 is a little bittersweet for me. On one hand, I have what I always wanted in my life. I have my bachelor's degree, a great resume and references, and husband that (most of the time) I'm very much in love with, and my son who is such a blessing I can't even put it into words. That's what I really wanted when I was little, I wanted to be a mom and wife, and I wanted to go to college. We're even at the point of moving into the process of buying a house. We went to North Carolina earlier this month to house hunt and have found basically our dream house. Well, my dream house that has becomes Nathan's dream over the past couple years. It has land, I could have a horse and chickens, I would have space, and it's exactly the type of environment I want Jace and my future children to grow up in.
But at the same time it's weird because I feel a certain disconnect from where the rest of my friends are. They're in undergrad or went straight to grad school, they're having adventures on their own or with a boyfriend, and they have that freedom. Now, I would not trade Jace for anything. Ever. He is my miracle baby that, once I was set on Nathan, I was afraid I could never have. Even when he has a meltdown because I won't let him climb the stairs or he throws his lunch all over the floor and himself, I usually end up laughing at him. But it's hard when the friends I've relied on my entire life can't really relate to where I'm at in my life. And we still talk, we still hang out, and they are still and will always be the greatest friends I've even had, but it'll be nice when they also get to this point and then we'll have more to connect on again.
I do have to look at the bright side though: Nathan and I have been attending church more regularly and I'm starting to befriend some of the women there. Women that are wives and mothers and that understand me when I say that I put Jace in baby jail because I just couldn't take the tantrum any longer.
And church in itself has been an upside. Don't get me wrong, God and I still have our issues because I have difficulty understanding how a gracious man who is a Muslim or an altruistic woman who is a Buddhist is not bound for heaven and eternal life, but we will continue having this dialogue until I can understand this.
Well, I guess that's pretty much me at 23, I feel a little older than I really am, but overall I know that I am very blessed with a good life. I have a good job lined up for the summer, I have a loving family, and my dreams of moving to a warmer state are not only possible, but we are taking the steps to make it a reality. My actual birthday shall be a bit dull: Nathan has to work at all of his on campus jobs today and has, I'm sure, a ton of homework and research to do, but maybe Jace and I will find some way to celebrate this afternoon. If it wasn't so cold he and Luna and I could go to the park, but somehow it's always cold or snowing on my birthday.
But at the same time it's weird because I feel a certain disconnect from where the rest of my friends are. They're in undergrad or went straight to grad school, they're having adventures on their own or with a boyfriend, and they have that freedom. Now, I would not trade Jace for anything. Ever. He is my miracle baby that, once I was set on Nathan, I was afraid I could never have. Even when he has a meltdown because I won't let him climb the stairs or he throws his lunch all over the floor and himself, I usually end up laughing at him. But it's hard when the friends I've relied on my entire life can't really relate to where I'm at in my life. And we still talk, we still hang out, and they are still and will always be the greatest friends I've even had, but it'll be nice when they also get to this point and then we'll have more to connect on again.
I do have to look at the bright side though: Nathan and I have been attending church more regularly and I'm starting to befriend some of the women there. Women that are wives and mothers and that understand me when I say that I put Jace in baby jail because I just couldn't take the tantrum any longer.
And church in itself has been an upside. Don't get me wrong, God and I still have our issues because I have difficulty understanding how a gracious man who is a Muslim or an altruistic woman who is a Buddhist is not bound for heaven and eternal life, but we will continue having this dialogue until I can understand this.
Well, I guess that's pretty much me at 23, I feel a little older than I really am, but overall I know that I am very blessed with a good life. I have a good job lined up for the summer, I have a loving family, and my dreams of moving to a warmer state are not only possible, but we are taking the steps to make it a reality. My actual birthday shall be a bit dull: Nathan has to work at all of his on campus jobs today and has, I'm sure, a ton of homework and research to do, but maybe Jace and I will find some way to celebrate this afternoon. If it wasn't so cold he and Luna and I could go to the park, but somehow it's always cold or snowing on my birthday.
