Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
But lately, it all seems so false. While I was in Egypt this summer I learned a great deal about the Muslim culture and religion, and had a great deal of firsthand experiences with those practicing Islam. These people were patient, welcoming, and for the most part loving. I also admired their desires to be modest, such as the clothing that men and women wear, mostly by choice. But in the United States, which claims to be largely Christian, there is very little modesty, a lot more hostility, and so much judgement.
Our culture didn't bother me much, but now it seems that so frequently in church, in everyday conversation, in speakers on campus, I hear people put down the practices of the Muslims. And the thing that bothers me most is, it seems to be out of ignorance. If people took the time to really learn more about the culture they're so quick to condemn, perhaps we could be more Christian.
However, that's only the reason why I'm losing my faith in the church. But I know that I'm actually losing faith in more than that. Earlier in my life I fully believed that God was there for me and I was his daughter. He would look out for me and never give me more than I could handle. Yes, this is a selfish view of it, but this is only a small portion of the beliefs I proclaimed. Now, however, I'm starting to wonder how much God really plays into where my life goes.
I want to believe, and I want my faith to return to me, which is why I've been continuing to attend church, continuing to pray, but lately it all feels hollow. It's nothing more than a motion, I feel no strong emotional or spiritual connection to it. I don't know where to go from here, and I'm not sure why it's changed in the first place, but I think that part of it is that I'm so tired of hearing that God takes care of and provides for his people, but then denies me certain things that I've always counted on having. Not taken advantage of, or didn't appreciate, but something that I counted on.
I'm not sure what to do yet, but I hoped that really writing out how I felt could help me to figure things out.
Hey Love...I'm now following your blog. I know what you mean by camp being the highlight of your year. It's the same for me and I can't tell you how much I hold onto that place dearly.
ReplyDeleteLosing faith....I feel the same. I guess I can say that I recently took the time to experience other religions and practices if you will.
Buddhism was one of them. This is what I realized...I do believe in God and that Jesus Christ is the son of God. I have not lost faith in him...at first I said that I did because that's what it felt like. I looked a little more deeper and realized that I was losing faith and hope in people. I guess I can say that I've lost faith in organized church in a away.
Another thing that makes me think that is because of Camp Judson. Camp Judson is real and it doesn't just strike the core of me but it hits everyone. Everyone comes to the same leave and realizes that its about that peace, love and harmony.
From my eyes and obviously from yours as well. Don't you see the judgment and just negativity? It almost seems like these "Christians" are far from good people. I saw how the Buddhists and such thought and it was peace and love. Isn't that how life is supposed to be? I think in some ways people from our culture have got a lot of things wrong. I don't know why it's like that but that's what I'm starting to think in my heart.
I know that all of this is confusing and it was said that we would feel like this and that it was normal. I guess what I really wanted to say was that I know how you feel. How I knew exactly what was true was I honestly...thought of Judson, remembered how that lit my life and sparks all things that were good. It didnt just spark a relationship with Christ ya know but it made me want to be a completely better person.
I don't want you to think that I'm this huge christian either and I'm telling you that you need God!! I don't even know if I would say Christian in describing me...I don't want to be described as anything but loving, peaceful... but a person that does believes in God.
I have found that after this experience of thinking my faith was gone I put my judgmental eyes away and pursue happiness in all things.
I think in a lot of ways people have just lost heart. I think that sometimes Christians claim to be these amazing creatures that can do no wrong when really they come off so snobby and you just want to tell them off ya know. Those are the people that don't actually sit back and think...this is what it takes to be happy...this is what it takes to make people happy and such.
I'm sorry I blabbed and probably didn't make sense. I couldn't really see what I was writing either because this thing was so small.haha
I'm glad to be followed ^_^
ReplyDeleteAnd it really and truly helps to know that I'm not alone. It's just been getting to me a lot lately, all the hypocrisy. While I know that I still do believe in God, and in Christ, I have doubts about the involvement with my own life. And know that I've really lost faith in the church. No sermon should spent it's time degrading the practices of another religion (especially one that is praising the same God, just by another name). It's hurtful to me to hear individuals claim their love for God and His way, but then to see them take that love and use it to fuel hate against other human beings that were also created by the Lord they follow. It just doesn't add up to me and I don't know what to do about it.
I think that what I really need is time to think, explore, and spent some time in the Bible and in memories and prayer. But college makes it super tough to do that =/
Camp does for me exactly what you described, makes me want to live my life in a way that shows love, faith, hope, and peace. But doing that without the community found at Judson is difficult, and finding a community like Judson is proving more difficult than I ever dreamed.
And it really is so nice just to know that I'm not alone. I've been feeling this way, but don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about it, which makes it even harder. So, thank you from my heart for giving me a little encouragement and a bit of hope <3
I completely agree with you, I've tried to find my serenity in groups of people but it feels like every year I leave it at Cabin 3 ya know.he Seriously though it does feel that way.
ReplyDeleteI have lost my faith in people and a lot of things. What really has been pinning my heart is ...be still and know. I think that in a lot of ways that's how it should be. Once people start getting together and not really letting the love that needs to be flowing in AND out there is problems with judgement and everything else. I'm choosing to be a loving, peace giving person and I didn't find that in the church. I found that by some people in the church hurting me and me realizing that things are not as they seem but I can empower my own.