School makes me feel like I'm drowning right now, and I hate that feeling. Every class has all their final projects coming up, and the amount of work they require is overwhelming, especially on top of the regular coursework that never ceases. Oh, and groupwork, I'm sorry but I need a little tangent over my thoughts on groupwork. In some circumstances, I'm a big fan. But there are times when groups just don't function and one of my classes is having that issue right now. Only some group members care to participate, and since I'm very concerned with my grades, it means I've taken on double the work that I should have had to do in order to get a good grade on the project. Last night I was awake until two in the morning working on it, and back up at 7:30 to do it all again. Frustrating? I think so.
But school isn't the only thing. I now know the true stress of finances. No matter how many ways I tweak my budget and attempt to make it work, something else always pops up that I didn't think about before leaving me hurting for money. I don't know what to do about it, but I know that something needs to change, so I'm racking my brain for ideas.
And then there's my issue with faith and church. Nathan's family is coming down this weekend and on Sunday they thought about coming to our church, except here's the issue, I've kind of stopped going. I'm still trying to figure out where I stand, what I believe, and if the church I was going to is even right for me. With everything else going on I've barely had time to think about it, but I don't really know what to do. I mean, church and church camp were huge parts of my life. I really thought I found myself there and faith helped me through some of the most difficult times of my life. But now I'm just so tired of the judging that the thought of going to church makes me sad rather than uplifts me. It's seriously draining to feel like this, but I don't know what else to do. And there's no one I feel that I can really talk to about it either, I mean I can't imagine going to the church that angered me with their degradation of Muslims and trying to explain why I feel the way I do.
I know this is a dreadfully bleak post, but sadly that's how I'm feeling at the moment. Life has overwhelmed me and I'm not sure how to get back where I want to be.
Hey Ashley - I'm so sorry to hear about stress. Part of me thinks that "stress" should be a part of every college brochure - just so we know what we're getting into when we apply! I know a lot of people say this, but really, you can talk to me about anything. I'm really sorry if you felt judged my by me :( I think you're wonderful and smart and have a lot of things to say! I'll be moving to Berea in May...maybe we can get together after all the craziness is over?
ReplyDeleteI agree, college brochures should really incorporate a section concerning the stress portion, but I'm just thankful that it'll be over soon and time for summer!
ReplyDeleteI never felt judged by you sweetie, I actually didn't feel like I was being judged at all, but it was the judgmental thoughts concerning other religions and whatnot that got to me. It's just an issue I've been having, and it's problematic because faith was a big part of my life, but now I'm struggling with it so much.
I would absolutely love to get together and hang out, and if you have time to lend an ear I would love to have someone to talk to. Just be warned that my thoughts are a bit of a jumbled mess
I think we are in the same boat then - my thoughts are definitely not very organized either! When this whole school thing settles down, we will let it all hang out! Also - mark your calendar - Jess and I are getting married July 9th :)
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