Losing Faith

It's been an ongoing issue for me. I feel like I'm losing my faith. When I was 13 I was really introduced to Christianity. It was at my beloved Camp Judson in Erie PA, which became (and in some ways still is) the highlight week of every year. And when I was really introduced to Christianity I saw it as a religion of Love, Faith, Forgiveness, Hope, and being non judgmental. It made me feel so safe to think that no matter what, Jesus loved me, that no one could really judge me but God, and that there was reason to hope and have faith.

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

But lately, it all seems so false. While I was in Egypt this summer I learned a great deal about the Muslim culture and religion, and had a great deal of firsthand experiences with those practicing Islam. These people were patient, welcoming, and for the most part loving. I also admired their desires to be modest, such as the clothing that men and women wear, mostly by choice. But in the United States, which claims to be largely Christian, there is very little modesty, a lot more hostility, and so much judgement.

Our culture didn't bother me much, but now it seems that so frequently in church, in everyday conversation, in speakers on campus, I hear people put down the practices of the Muslims. And the thing that bothers me most is, it seems to be out of ignorance. If people took the time to really learn more about the culture they're so quick to condemn, perhaps we could be more Christian.

However, that's only the reason why I'm losing my faith in the church. But I know that I'm actually losing faith in more than that. Earlier in my life I fully believed that God was there for me and I was his daughter. He would look out for me and never give me more than I could handle. Yes, this is a selfish view of it, but this is only a small portion of the beliefs I proclaimed. Now, however, I'm starting to wonder how much God really plays into where my life goes.

I want to believe, and I want my faith to return to me, which is why I've been continuing to attend church, continuing to pray, but lately it all feels hollow. It's nothing more than a motion, I feel no strong emotional or spiritual connection to it. I don't know where to go from here, and I'm not sure why it's changed in the first place, but I think that part of it is that I'm so tired of hearing that God takes care of and provides for his people, but then denies me certain things that I've always counted on having. Not taken advantage of, or didn't appreciate, but something that I counted on.

I'm not sure what to do yet, but I hoped that really writing out how I felt could help me to figure things out.