Love, Life, Lack of Time

Hello all!

So the weeks I feared have arrived. Everything is currently overlapping.

1.) My EDS 355 class, which is waking up at 5:30am and getting home at 4:30pm, is ongoing.
The plus side? I adore it, I love my kids and getting to learn more about Islam at the same time.

2.) Me the museum curator! When I'm not in Lexington for class, I spend my time at the Appalachian Center on campus assisting to create an exhibit on Appalachian literature. Not on is it really fascinating, it's also very hands on and comes with a lot of freedom, which i completely adore. I'm working with new poetry, fiction, and theater and tying it to artifacts.

3.) The internship for the Kentucky Women Writers conference *http://www.uky.edu/WWK/* which is just one day a week and has me reading new authors and new poets giving me more experience in literature, writing, and hopefully even in education when it comes time for the conference in September.

4.) Saving lives! Yep, lifeguard assessment, training etc is underway. Monday evening I spent two hours in the pool remembering my rescues etc. It was a lot to remember since I got my certification over a year ago. But I did pretty well and I'm excited for the pool to open so I can get to work work. I'll be there full time this summer, plus still doing the internship and hopefully 5 hours a week as a curator still.

So, yep, my life has gone crazy busy, but I can't really complain. I love all the new experiences and new excitement that are happening!

Hope summer is starting off well for everyone else! Es-salaam Alikuum

Being Happy and Being Me

So it's been a little while since I've had anything to say about my life. But, I've actually been doing pretty well. Still dealing with a little drama and the feeling of being replaced, but I'm proud to say that I'm figuring out more about who I am in the process.

I finished up my junior year of college, as unbelievable as it seems even to me. I think I did well in all of my classes. But, that's not the exciting part. For summer 1 I needed to take an education class that would place me into an environment that I hadn't grown up in. So I'll be spending ten days at the Lexington Universal Academy, which is a K-8 Muslim school located in Lexington. My first day was this past Wednesday and I've fallen in love with the school. The students are amazing, the integration of religion with school makes this school more a community than just a school. The entire atmosphere is so welcoming and inviting, even to a non-Muslim, such as myself. But the interesting part?

Being there is giving me back some of my faith. Yes, they pray in Arabic instead of English. They believe Jesus was a prophet rather than the son of God, and they refer to God as Allah. But they connect every movement, every breath, and every action to God. They believe that the only way to paradise (heaven) is to reach a point where we all love each other. The connections, the power of prayer, and of course the power of love, have let me do a lot of thinking.
I know, and I think I've always known that I believe in God. But, where I think I'm starting to differ from many other Christians, is that I believe Allah is the same God as the God of Christianity. And Judaism, and other religions. To me, I suppose the exact details aren't what's important. I have believed that Jesus is the son of God, and that he gave his life to pay for our sins, but I can't believe that Muslims are completely wrong. Just because they believe in the prophet Muhammad doesn't, to me, mean that they are condemned to Hell or that they are any less deserving of God's love. They have found a different way to worship Him, and they do so faithfully.

And I really think that a goal for myself this summer is going to be to learn about other religions. Because there are things that are so similar from Christianity and Islam. I'm hoping to take full advantage of my time at LUA to learn more about Islam. But here's one thing I really feel a need to share. There are 5 pillars of Islam, and one is charity. Muslims are called to be charitable to those less fortunate (which is similar to a Christian thought). But a quote from the prophet Muhammad is "Even meeting your brother with a smile is an act of charity."
Isn't that a wonderful thought? To me it was inspiring, because as a college student I have very little money to offer to anyone else. I barely have enough to get myself by. However, no matter how poor I may be, I can always offer a smile. It just really stuck with me, and I took it to heart.

Well, I think I may be writing a lot more lately, and I know that I do want to pursue this more, because I am absolutely certain that I want God in my life, and I know that I need to keep pushing into this and talk to people. I think conversation could be a very useful tool to me through all this.

Es salaam Alikuum (Blessing and Peace be upon you in Arabic)

Losing Faith

It's been an ongoing issue for me. I feel like I'm losing my faith. When I was 13 I was really introduced to Christianity. It was at my beloved Camp Judson in Erie PA, which became (and in some ways still is) the highlight week of every year. And when I was really introduced to Christianity I saw it as a religion of Love, Faith, Forgiveness, Hope, and being non judgmental. It made me feel so safe to think that no matter what, Jesus loved me, that no one could really judge me but God, and that there was reason to hope and have faith.

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

But lately, it all seems so false. While I was in Egypt this summer I learned a great deal about the Muslim culture and religion, and had a great deal of firsthand experiences with those practicing Islam. These people were patient, welcoming, and for the most part loving. I also admired their desires to be modest, such as the clothing that men and women wear, mostly by choice. But in the United States, which claims to be largely Christian, there is very little modesty, a lot more hostility, and so much judgement.

Our culture didn't bother me much, but now it seems that so frequently in church, in everyday conversation, in speakers on campus, I hear people put down the practices of the Muslims. And the thing that bothers me most is, it seems to be out of ignorance. If people took the time to really learn more about the culture they're so quick to condemn, perhaps we could be more Christian.

However, that's only the reason why I'm losing my faith in the church. But I know that I'm actually losing faith in more than that. Earlier in my life I fully believed that God was there for me and I was his daughter. He would look out for me and never give me more than I could handle. Yes, this is a selfish view of it, but this is only a small portion of the beliefs I proclaimed. Now, however, I'm starting to wonder how much God really plays into where my life goes.

I want to believe, and I want my faith to return to me, which is why I've been continuing to attend church, continuing to pray, but lately it all feels hollow. It's nothing more than a motion, I feel no strong emotional or spiritual connection to it. I don't know where to go from here, and I'm not sure why it's changed in the first place, but I think that part of it is that I'm so tired of hearing that God takes care of and provides for his people, but then denies me certain things that I've always counted on having. Not taken advantage of, or didn't appreciate, but something that I counted on.

I'm not sure what to do yet, but I hoped that really writing out how I felt could help me to figure things out.